Missed Connections

Anytime I'm walking around, no matter what the circumstance, it's an opportunity to meet somebody new. We can only gain from the experience of meeting someone new. Not everyone we meet delivers the kind of stimulation we desire -- like a homeless person asking for money. Even then, interacting with a complete stranger is exciting. After all, isn't the prospect of the unknown what keeps this sometimes repetitive and monotonous life entertaining?

In an effort to meet as many new people as achievable, I'm exploring every possible form of communication. The most standard way of communicating is through people we already know. For example, a friend introduces you to their friend and suddenly you've met somebody new. While the reasons we meet new people may vary, we are still utilizing human interaction to connect us with somebody new. Why limit ourselves to the methods of social interaction utilized by those that came before us? We have the technology, let's get out there and use it to our advantage.

Those of you who know me personally, I'm always asking friends of friends and everybody else in between if they know any single gay men. In my defense, while San Francisco is a city densely saturated with gay men, meeting new and interesting personalities on a level beyond a cordial exchange of information is rare. While my expertise lay in San Francisco's homosexual social scene, meeting new people (gay or straight) is challenging for everybody. Knowing this, how do we meet promising strangers in San Francisco?

Missed Connections is a feature on Craig's List that allows complete strangers an opportunity to communicate after the fact. What this means is that walking past somebody anonymously, looking at someone in the eyes with interest, these no longer need to be mere acts of expression. There is now hope for reuniting an otherwise missed connection.

Last week, running on the treadmill at my gym, it just so happened that the person running next to me was an attractive male whom I've seen before. How do I express interest with this person? Because we're both running on a treadmill and wearing headphones, the opportunity to get to know one another -- on a level beyond casual glances -- is limited.

Intrigued by the idea that I was humanly incapable of connecting with someone physically in my presence, later that night I went to Missed Connections on Craig's List. This is what I posted:

24+ male running on the treadmill next to me at Club One (Sansome) - m4m - 23 (financial district)Date: 2009-03-02, 10:34PM PST

You're a 20 something year-old male, muscular, you were running next to me on the treadmill. I never talk to anyone when I'm at the gym. Nobody does really. You seem like a quiet guy. I'd like to get to know you better.

My "Missed Connection" took place at 6:30PM and I posted on Craig's List around 10:30PM. By midnight, I received the following email:

hey -
i randomly searched for club one on craigslist and saw your ad - i doubt I'm your man but thought I'd give it a shot - i always wondered if anyone actually found anyone via missed connections!

so, i don't really want to tell you who i am just out of sheer embarrassment of being exposed on the Internet, but i AM a 25 year old male who sadly spends more than his fair share of time at club one... let me know your mystery man's stats and I'll tell you if i fit the bill :)

After a few email exchanges, this person (Chris) was actually a member of a different Club One in the city. Nevertheless, this attempt at reconnecting on a technologically evolved level is exciting. People, at least in San Francisco, are beginning to utilize more abstract forms of communication.

Like any form of digital communication, a learning curve exists for new users. As a result, advanced forms of communication and networking -- texting, Craig's List, online dating/chat rooms, Facebook, Linked In, Twitter, etc. -- are only able to evolve as quickly as they become user friendly. Likewise, the social stigma surrounding progressive forms of communication, this is a sociological conundrum whose factual base is yet to be fully determined.

San Francisco is a relatively small city with a strong technological influence. The gay social scene is even smaller so reconnecting with a "stranger" can very easily become a new friend with enough degrees of separation. Craig's List, based out of San Francisco, is undeniably influenced by the city's social tendencies. Missed Connections, therefore, while it might seem odd in any other city, here in the Bay Area, it's hardly something that should be stigmatized. The sooner we embrace new forms of communication the faster our society will evolve into a more advanced culture. Of course, this is coming from somebody who considers a more "advanced" society as one where I'm not single.