Hipsters are killing my gaydar

I have the worlds worst gaydar. It's a struggle to determine whether or not an average male prefers to sleep with men. To make matters worse, since San Francisco is saturated with so many gay bars, now the straight people are confusing the gender demographic at an otherwise exclusive gay bar! In a perfect world I'd have X-ray vision that helped me identify who is gay in this wild world.

Here in the Bay Area, the factors that would otherwise be helpful in determining someones sexuality are not applicable. For example, a shiny black suit, anywhere else in the world, is a good indicator that the person is gay. Tight jeans, matching shoes, stylish hair -- none of these are prerequisites for a gay male anymore. As a result, my gaydar is worthless to a Dolores Park hipster.

Sure, flamboyant men are easily identifiable. They flap their wrist, blow kisses across a room and use phrases like "girrrrl." Women love shopping with this particular breed of gay and there is zero doubt in anyone's mind that yes, that's a gay male who is clearly out of the closet. I, on the other hand, am not attracted to a flaming queen because if I wanted to date women, I would -- and it would be a hell of a lot easier!

The more closeted, less in-your-face homosexuals, those are the ones I like. The only problem is that finding these men requires I dodge the inevitable bullet produced when a gay male hits on a straight man.

In short, I'm attracted to straight acting gay men. Finding this type of homosexual is not easy -- especially under the age of 30. Often times, when I do find someone I'd be interested in dating, I get cold feet at the last minute for fear that they are straight. (This recently happened with my yoga instructor...)

My gaydar, since moving to San Francisco, should be getting better. And yet, since I'm so accustomed to assuming that everyone is gay, my previously conditioned gender defining mechanism has lost its insight. Of course, why does gaydar need to be utilized at a gay bar, anyway? That's right, I live in San Francisco.