Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Expressing interest

Telling someone that you like them, expressing interest, making it clear that they're on your emotional radar, all these expressions are difficult and a calculated risk. It could be anyone: the cute guy checking you in at the gym, your yoga instructor, the dude at the Bart Station with the rad bike or perhaps your quiet (but extremely fashionable) neighbor.

Each day I come across someone I fancy. My coworker, Laura, thinks I'm boy crazy -- aka horny. Let's get one thing straight: I'm always horny. Now that we got that out of the way, let's get back to the issue at hand. When I meet someone random (and in person) that I like, how do I show interest? How do you engage with someone when you like them? And, when I say “like” I’m referring to interested in pursuing a relationship beyond hooking-up for one night. I wish I had the answer. Unfortunately, the only place I feel truly confident is behind a keyboard or on my Blackberry. I can formulate sentences until the day is gone; get me face-to-face with someone I like, suddenly I’m talking about how the weather in San Francisco is only fair today. It’s incredible, the power of emotion that is.

Even though I remain single, I’ve learned a lot about courting perspective partners. First of all, there’s absolutely nothing you can do to control the way they think. There’s a million reasons why someone doesn’t want to be with you, so don’t take it personally. Gay men are complicated and hardly rational. You can be the most amazing catch ever, but if the person is feeling bitchy, there’s nothing you can do. And trust me, gay men can be bitchy. Bitchier than a mean girl, well, the judges are still out on that one.

The best thing you can do is confront the person that you like. Take Jeffrey, the cute boy who checks people in at the gym. He always smiles at me when I talk to him – and in that way that says “I like you. Let’s go get drinks and have fun!” Each time he looks at me, I automatically look at the ground. It’s incredible how at such a crucial moment, a time where eye contact is key, I choose to look at the ground. Why do we do these things?

Another example is my amazingly attractive and incredibly built yoga instructor. For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of watching me perform yoga, well, you’re not missing much. I’m not very good and I laugh at everything. Regardless, there was only 7 of us in the class and we were making eye contact. Amazingly, he ends up having the locker right next to mine. Fate, I know. What do I say? Nothing. I’m a deaf mute that begins wondering if the super gay yoga instructor is in fact gay. Then, when I convince myself that he’s gay, I shy away thinking that he’s clearly taken. This type of thinking, this over-analysis, it gets me nowhere. Nevertheless, each time I reflect on these experiences, I learn how pathetic we homosexuals socially interact.

When it comes to showing interest in one another, gay men are only good at expressing sexual desire. I spend more time dodging sexual advances from gay men who know what they want...SEX! However, when it comes to sharing emotional feelings, feelings about what makes us laugh, these are all lost. As gay men, all we’re good at is reverting back to being the sexual animals that we are.

I'm clearly commenting on how I see the world. However, the conclusions I've made are hardly based on only my personal experiences. Just look at the gay people you know out there, think hard on how they show interest in someone they like. In a strange way, I feel like we've reverted to being middle school girls. Of course, that's an entirely different bag of worms. Until then, the next time you see someone you like, make it count. For those of us like myself who continue to struggle with the physical world, need not worry, online communication is still very much alive.

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